Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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