I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
