I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
