he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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