I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
