beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
