I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
