she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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