Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
