If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
