my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Everclear isn't food dammit
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
