dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
