i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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