Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
