that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
