so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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