the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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