The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
