and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
