we were pretty classy up until the second keg
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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