i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
