She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
