I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
