You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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