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A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
