I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
