Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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