A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
