i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
