So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
