he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
