How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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