You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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