You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
did you just send me my own nude
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
