saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
