So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
