Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
