It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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