We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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