yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
