No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
