you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We are all done wearing pants today
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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