Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
