hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
