big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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