My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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