I wish my penis had an off switch
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
