ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
