There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
