Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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