Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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