gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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