kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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