i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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