you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
